Sheng Wei Vision Care

Bullying Can Lead to Suicide

A new word, “Bullycide” has now entered our vocabulary because of bullying that has outright caused or contributed to suicides, mainly of our young people. There is a strong link between bullying and suicide, one that is too dangerous to be dismissed or ignored. In recent years, a series of bullying-related suicides in the US and across the globe have drawn important attention to the connection between bullying and suicide. Though many adults may argue this connection because they see bullying as just part of being a kid, it is a serious problem that leads to devastating effects for victims such as depression, fear, isolation, and in many cases, suicide.

Though many may not realize the link from what they see as harmless teasing to the devastation of suicide, the statistics are alarming.

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.
• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University.
• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying.
• The same study in Britain shows that 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide.

 

In the PBS interview with John Halligan, father of Ryan Halligan, John recounts what his son, Ryan, went through the last years of his life until that gruesome day when he was found dead in his bedroom by his mother on October 7, 2003. Starting in the 5th grade, Ryan became victim to physical bullying on the school grounds. He begged his dad to teach him how to fight, how to defend himself. Ryan and his dad spent countless evenings practicing self defense moves. It seemed to build Ryan’s confidence and soon, some of the bullying came to a halt. Ryan was kind of an awkward kid. He wasn’t very good at sports and his academics weren’t that strong either. He was endlessly tormented due to these traits that made him less than “normal” in his peers’ eyes. Although, he found enjoyment in the theatre arts and found a few friends that shared the same interests, he became more and more introverted, spending most of his time in his room on his computer. John describes how a once active child who loved to hike and camp preferred to chat on the internet with what his parents thought were his “friends.”

John and his wife, Kelly, would later find out why Ryan’s mood began to deteriorate and his attitude started to become short and defensive. Ryan had been chatting with a girl from school that he really had a thing for. He was led to believe that the girl liked him back and they carried on lots of flirty communications over the summer. By the time school started, it was harshly brought to Ryan’s attention that it was all a sham. It was all a cruel joke. The girl not only had no interest in him, but she and her friends thought the whole thing was as funny as could be. He was told that she’d never be with someone like him. It was reported that he told her, “It’s girls like you that make me want to kill myself.” Ryan was very humiliated and the torment he felt inside was compounded by anonymous bullying via AOL chat by several perpetrators who called him “gay” and “homo”. The physical aggression at school was nothing compared to the viciousness that was expelled at him from behind the veil we call the internet. It didn’t take long before it all became too large of a burden for Ryan to bear and he soon hanged himself in his bedroom, robbed of his life and a promising future his parents dreamed of since the day he was born.

One of the most dangerous forms of bullying in our day and age is cyberbullying. Cyberbullying is treacherous and has taken bullying to a new level for a number of reasons:

• The home is no longer a safe haven from abuse. It is no longer a sanctuary. Young people are closely bonded to their social media outlets, cell phones, and other forms of technology so cyberbullying is ubiquitous.
• The anonymity leaves the target helpless to defend themselves. Along with the anonymity is the limitless number of people who have received lies about you that you cannot refute.
• Since the victim is usually alone, they feel completely isolated and hopeless without having any support.
• Students will say things via technology that they would not have the courage to say directly.

A new form of cyberbullying is affecting the lives of our young people called “sexting.” There have been several suicides covered by the media in recent years linked to bullying after “sexting.” Sexting is the practice of transmitting sexual messages or images electronically. One story in particular is about a girl named Hope Witsell. Hope was a middle school student from a church-going family from the suburbs of Sundance, Florida. The thirteen year old girl decided to send a topless photo of herself to a boy in hopes of gaining his approval and attention. She got his attention alright, along with the attention of the entire school, as well as a nearby neighboring school. A third party intercepted the photo while using the boy’s cell phone, and like what seemed to be the speed of light, a majority of the students at her school and neighboring school had peered at her in a light that was meant to be private with the boy that she likes so much. While the photo spread like wildfire, Hope’s friends rallied around her with support and they also physically had to surround her while walking down the halls as the other students shouted things like “whore” and “slut” to her. Every time she’d enter a classroom they’d exclaim, “Here comes the slut!”

Donna Witsell, Hope’s mother, appeared on “Today” with attorney Parry Aftab, a leading Internet safety expert and told journalist, Meredith Viera how her daughter’s life, once so promising, unraveled after just one mistake. Donna admitted to Vieria that she knew nothing about “sexting” before her daughter’s dramatic situation, but she and her husband, Charlie, always tried to teach Hope and their other three children right from wrong in the cyberworld. “As far as training them on the Internet and what to look at and what not to look at, yeah, we talked about it,” Witsell told Viera. Donna and Charlie Witsell felt the best punishment was with tough love. Hope was grounded for the entire summer and they suspended her cell phone and computer privileges.

By the eleventh of September, Hope met with school counselors who noticed cuts on Hope’s leg they suspected to be self inflicted cutting wounds. They had her sign a “no-harm contract,” in which she promised to talk to an adult if she felt the urge to harm herself in any way. Attorney Aftab told TODAY that the school didn’t inform Hope’s parents of the contract. “In this case, the school blew it,” Aftab said. “They never told the parents how at risk she was.”

The debilitation from the pain she was suffering was really digging into Hope by now. The ridicule continued and there was a lack of communication and support from the school which turned out to be deadly. The day after signing her “no harm contract,” she wrote again in her journal: “I’m done for sure now. I can feel it in my stomach. I’m going to try and strangle myself. I hope it works.”

Donna Witsell entered Hope’s bedroom that night to give her a kiss goodnight. She was faced with the most horrifying scene any parent could ever imagine. “It was as if she was standing there in front of me,” Witsell tearfully told NBC News. “Her head was hanging down. I said, “Hope, what are you doing?” And then I realized there was a scarf around her neck.” Hope had tied one end of her pink scarf around the canopy of her bed and the other around her neck. She was rushed to a nearby hospital where she was pronounced dead.

When it comes to “sexting,” it seems to me that protection of our children is conditional. No one deserves weeks or months of crippling mental anguish to the point where they develop clinical depression. And, when clinical depression evolved into cutting behaviors, the seriousness should never be minimized simply because a thirteen year old, a child, made a distasteful photo that got into the wrong hands. Now Hope Witsell will never become an adult, she will never get married, and will never have children of her own.

Just two months ago, the story of Tyler Clementi swept the nation and prompted a monumental public outcry against bullying and all deliberate, and potentially lethal behavior. Tyler jumped to from the George Washington bridge to his death with nothing more than a defeated, empty last goodbye message on Facebook. Clementi’s last words, “Jumping off the gw bridge sorry,” gave no hint of the torment and mortification that lied behind the decision of this gifted 18 year old violinist to throw himself off the bridge, to later be found in the Hudson River at the northern end of Manhattan. Charges were brought to two fellow students at Rutgers University in New Jersey. The charges were a slap in the face as they could only be charged with invasion of privacy after they secretly recorded a private sexual encounter between Clementi and another man. This video was streamed onto the internet and later, the perpetrators broadcasted details of their voyeuristic escapade, outing Clementi and his sexual orientation that until this time, was unknown to Clementi’s friends and family. In a statement, his family said that “Tyler was a fine young man, and a distinguished musician. The family is heartbroken beyond words.” Clementi’s suicide is the latest example of the damage that can be inflicted when the age-old habit of pranks between teenagers meets the huge social power of technology.

The book, “Beyond Schoolyard Bullying” by Dr. Justin Patchin and Dr. Sameer Hinduja, who have focused their studies on cyberbullying since 2002, and also co-direct The Cyberbullying Research Center,  a powerhouse of information regarding the dangers of cyberbullying, the psychology behind it all, and what can be done by parents, teachers, and other concerned students to understand and change the new trend that is sweeping the globe and hurling so many of our young people into isolation, fear, depression, and ultimately the desire to put an end to all the agony that engulfs them.

“Despite these recent high-profile incidents, some still view cyberbullying among teens as inconsequential. They likely haven’t experienced it on a personal level. And they likely haven’t spoken to John Halligan, Debra Johnston, Mark Neblett, or Tina Meier, who each lost a child to suicide after the child was cyberbullied. Some other stories from youth who have contacted us empathize similar devastating implications.

 

I get bullied every day and I just want to hang myself… I’m thinking about it but I doubt I will…

-Submitted anonymously” (Justin and Sameer 6)

Some would argue endlessly that there is little to no relevance of the relationship between repeated, ongoing torment to others and how it can bring an already vulnerable, sensitive person to their breaking point. I think the reason for this is because our society doesn’t want to make the monumental change in our system to hold people responsible and hand over severe repercussions to those who gain some sort of morbid self significance and frivolous boost of their own egos by repeated, deliberate, annihilation of another persons spirit. It’s not illegal to throw your television set out your window, but if it falls on someone and kills them, you would be held responsible to the fullest extent of the law. Also, no one would push a person in a wheelchair down a treacherous hill. We all need to remember that behind every persons sparkling eyes, there is a human being, a person who may have different coping mechanisms that we do, ourselves. When someone argues whether this kind of torment can lead to the death of another person, in particular, a child, I can only turn my head. But as I sit here finishing my argument paper and I physically turn my weary head, I see what most people can’t even imagine. I see what once was my beautiful, kind, and compassionate sixteen year old son. But he is not in the doorway asking me if I want to finish decorating the Christmas tree. He is not waiting for me to give him a ride to the movie theatre. He is in a box. He is the reason I write this paper and the reason that I will continue my education. He is the reason I will do everything in my power to give a voice to those who can no longer speak, can no longer reach out for help, for those who have been painted into a corner shaking in silence. I will light a candle in honor of my son, Taylor Martin McLaughlin, and continue my journey with a bleeding heart; because I know the truth, all too well.

 

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